Preemptive

Submitting work to journals can be quite a circus.  It’s an act of will to keep sending work out.  I imagine it’s also quite an ordeal to read every well-intentioned piece that comes through a journal’s mailbox.  I sometimes wonder if editors ever get tired of being polite…

 

Preemptive

Dear sir, it has come to our attention that
you are contemplating submitting a poem
to our journal. We are contacting you now
in the hope of avoiding this regrettable
prospect. Prompt action on your part now
will save us all precious time later.

While we have your attention, we are
somewhat concerned you may be tempted
to pen another composition today. With all
good will, we beg you to resist this urge, and
instead give yourself to something better suited
to your talents. Like brick laying. Or crochet.

Should you feel the need to contact us
further regarding your work or our
literary standards, please do not do so
in writing. In fact, if possible, simply
lie down and wait for the urge to pass.
With all best wishes.

 

Advertisements

About Andrew Kreider

I'm a poet and musician,transplanted from London, England to beautiful northern Indiana. By day I am a stay-at-home dad with our three kids while my amazingly talented spouse conquers medical school one long shift at a time. At night, I'm a performer and trouble-maker. I love my life.

10 responses »

  1. LOL- I think that’s what some think… then there are the nice ones. It’s a tough skin-thickening process.

    Reply
  2. A big laugh – my favorite rejection letter started: “Dear Your Name Here…” Loved this. Thanks!

    Reply
  3. Funny! But mostly true.

    Reply
  4. Oh Andrew–I am laughing so hard!! Thank you so much for this–I’ve just received 2 rejections in the past two days and was feeling down–trying to rally. I think I’ll just lay down until the urge passes….;-) Seriously, though I am submitting another poem to a different journal tonight…

    Reply
  5. hahaha yes sometimes i wonder….and sometimes i feel it as well…there are def times i am glad to see the end of the pile but always looking for that one more that is just gonna knock my socks off as well…..funny take…

    Reply
  6. Clever. It totally seems like this sometimes, doesn’t it?

    Reply
  7. Hilarious, and I’m sure in some circumstances, extremely true to the thoughts, if not the words, of the people in question. And also, probably, in many cases, an understatement. ;_)

    Reply
  8. not sure whether to laugh or cry on this one … 😀

    Reply
  9. Oh yes, Andrew. The naysayers will alway nay-say-away. What know they about art and process and the drive to create?

    Reply
  10. …please do not do so in writing. Our staff is barely literate and we do not appreciate elitists drawing attention to this fact . (Thought this would be a good addition:)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: