*** Terms and conditions apply

*** Listen, we know everyone likes a
good deal, but good grief, we couldn’t afford
the rent on these posh New York offices,
or the mural in the executive
washroom, if we actually paid out
on this outrageous offer. So get real:
you are not eligible if you are
bald, foreign, introverted or stupid.
If you’re a chef or a plumber, no way.
Pro athletes need not apply. Same for cops.
We love hunky guys named Cole.  (Just kidding).
Actually, unless you’re a drug lord,
you are willing to bonk our CEO,
or you have a lawyer on six figures
you can lean over and kiss your tuckus.
It’s time for our massage. Have a nice day.


About Andrew Kreider

I'm a poet and musician,transplanted from London, England to beautiful northern Indiana. By day I am a stay-at-home dad with our three kids while my amazingly talented spouse conquers medical school one long shift at a time. At night, I'm a performer and trouble-maker. I love my life.

8 responses »

  1. haha pretty much the way it works, sad but true.

  2. haha this rocks…love the attitude that breathes through it…all about the money money money…..

  3. Had a good laugh on this…true, everything is about money ~

  4. Very clever and true, Andrew.

  5. Compact and powerful– such a strong message here re our culture of greed..or that 1 percent's culture. This piece would incite and satisfy those able and willing to take a stand…xxxj

  6. You said it, man. It's 'if you ain't us you're them,' and them don't make the cut. The privileged don't even have to go bald anymore, though I'm not too sure about the stupid condition.

  7. Hi AndrewInteresting take…Shashiॐ नमः शिवाय Om Namah Shivayahttp://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/11/whispers-where-you-will-go.html

  8. incredible.fun word play with wide topics, wow.


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