Snow blower’s lament

Snow  blower

Winter has arrived full-bore here in northern Indiana.  All of a sudden, I’m paying attention to our snow blower, which for the past few months has languished largely ignored behind the car.  Do inanimate objects get jealous?  I wrote this little piece for the folks over at Poetic Bloomings

 

Snow blower’s lament

So he comes home last night
and he’s all excited about something
and he bursts into my room with a
bottle and in his Dale Jr jacket.
Next thing I know he’s all over me
trying to warm me up, and I’m like,
Seriously? But OK I let him cause
it’s been a while and I like the attention.

And then just when I’ve finally given in
and I’m kind of humming nicely
he’s like WHEN DID YOU START SMOKING?
And I’m like is this a joke? Since like forever,
only you never even noticed, you dipstick,
‘cause you never even ask me how I am
except when you need something
and I have to watch you going out

with that plush-assed bit** all the time
with her fancy name and showroom perfume.
And he just looks at me like what are you talking about?
And right then I broke down. Just broke down.
And he just starts yelling at me.
And I’m like, I don’t even care anymore.
You’re just a selfish user,
and I have had it with this relationship.

And he didn’t have the first idea what to do.
It was kind of funny, actually, his mouth
flapping open and shut like a broken intake valve.
There he was, just a silly little brat having a tantrum
in his NASCAR shades, with a shovel in his hand
and three feet of snow all the way down the driveway.
Well serves him right – and you can bet
SHE didn’t lift a finger to help him.

 

Advertisements

About Andrew Kreider

I'm a poet and musician,transplanted from London, England to beautiful northern Indiana. By day I am a stay-at-home dad with our three kids while my amazingly talented spouse conquers medical school one long shift at a time. At night, I'm a performer and trouble-maker. I love my life.

9 responses »

  1. Andrew, you are the BEST!!! This is so funny, and perfect–especially the part about, “I just broke down…” and that ending–wrapped it up so well. I would love to see you read this, I can just hear you…:-)

    Reply
  2. ha…this was fun…and i dunno maybe they do get lonely there in the garage all year….only getting a little love every season….ha a cool POV on this as well….nice personification of the snow blower…

    Reply
  3. hahaha… this made me smile, Andrew… I love the smoking and breaking down, great word play.

    Reply
  4. Andrew, Just back from the Hermitage to find Mum laughing about this, so I read it and joined in. You observe life so acutely and yet with a light touch; and your readers join you feeling better about themselves. One of your respondents said she’d like to see/hear you read this one; I want to be there, too. It will be one of your party pieces! Any time you want help shoveling your drive give me a ring! I love you – and your poetry! Dad

    Reply
  5. So, I haven’t done this as an adult, but I definitely did as a little girl. I was always concerned my dolls didn’t feel they got equal playing time. I love that your imagination is still full of that child-like wonder. Fun piece 🙂

    Reply
  6. Love this! Now, I wonder what the lawn mower is thinking!

    Reply
  7. This was really funny – yet also painfully close to some couples I might mention… Loved it!

    Reply
  8. Great personification! Almost forgot you were talking about a snow blower. I love your attention to detail.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: